Lilith

Lilith

*hoot*
=]
Finally done.
I drew that.The artist reworked it.But I drew that.
Custom ink is simply put.. r.a.d .
So there's a little bit of everything.
The same doodle can be found in my copies,on my school desk.. Lilith wasn't born in a day. :P
Here's why I decided on the owl.And stuck to it.
But for me,she stands more for experience.And observance.And the wisdom she gains from her experiences.
All my tattoos end up having strong Celtic/Druid connections.
I left out "Solus Ipse". Truth be told, I do get affected by my external surroundings sometimes. So nothing that I will regret later.
So Lilith's perched on her branch of transience. 'Memento Mori' being Latin for -Remember Your Mortality- And I couldn't leave the headphones out.Just couldn't.Music's always been the language I communicate in best.
And her eyes are blue.From all the events she's witnessed.She's absorbed a little bit of the grief and melancholy she's seen herself.
3x3 inches of skin to remind me that everything really turns into dust someday.Perhaps,my last ink.
It covered up a little bit off my self injury.
Now,its a beautiful scar.
Yay babaay. x]
Happy 2012
To a life where my tattoos are my only commitments.
I don't have a hangover. :/

*Knights Of Cydonia-The Killers*

Do you know why Lilith was banished from The Garden of Eve? Find out. ;]

This Time.

I want a humongous mug of hot chocolate.A warm blanket and lots of snuggling to go with it.
Its been the coldest Winter Kolkata has experienced in over a decade.Did you know?Well,know.
The word "subservient" just popped into my mind.I figure its another attempt made by my subconscious to play mind Scrabble with me. Not interested.
I am going to wake up early tomorrow and shop for my solo party the night after.[Referring to the alcohol.No I don't fancy rotten food much].This would be my only New Year's Eve spent alone ever yet and for years to come.I figured,why not leap and seize it?
The only thing I'll miss is the fabled Midnight Kiss.Which wasn't to be this year anyway.I thought I believed in free love when I was much younger.I thought I didn't believe in the puristic definition of love.
Until I was put to test.
And realisation hit me like a bazooka.Turns out,I'm a prude when it comes to matters of the heart.
What a bummer. -.- Right? So,basically I'm all about old world charm and storybook romances. That is kind of hard to live with. And since my ideas are so malleable, I make do with a modernised less expectant view. Jacked for life and probably dying alone. I know. Thank you for reminding me Annoying Voice In The Head. Try shutting up sometime, its a priceless virtue.
And while I'm at stark realisations.. The fights have been getting even more bitter and over the littlest things with the passing day.The first thing I'm gonna do while at college is look up property deals like crazy.I need my own apartment.SOON.
Don't call me selfish.You don't know.
I really am best suited for a hobo life.The idea appeals.I really would not mind.
I want a quill -__- a jar of ink.
Weirder dreams every night still.
Whatever.That was probably it.
Goodnight folks.
Its nice that I know that time is the only thing I have on my side.Nothing but time.

Youth is wasted on the young.

One last poem.

It Burned Me

In little cardboard boxes

you've put away your life

and i longed to see myself there

but i was to be found nowhere in sight

a treasure here,a jewel there

you had your gems-scattered everywhere

when i asked,you returned

that i had fed the fire

you burned,all alone

if you lie-you're called a liar

and my face had turned rubber

about a couple light years since

everything happened

now there's no lie,it can't convince

i must have burned too

when you set my memories aflame

yes i must have burned for,this i know

not all of life is a game

so as you break them into pieces 

so they can fit under your lid

i still remember deep in my heart

all the things that we did.

Now Playing- You by Breaking Benjamin.

What if

So school ended.

Dad,you would have been proud.I wore a sari to the farewell.I ditched my denims.I know you wanted to see me in one someday.I wanted you to see me in one too.

Well ..I bet you got a 360 degree look from above.Eh?You lucky dude. :D

As I sit in my favourite place in the world. And watch the smoke curl out of my lips and make a symphony in the air before it too is gone.I remember,there is no right or wrong in this world.There is nothing.But what I am and what I want my world to be.I am the queen and the slave.And I am nothing as I am everything.

It feels so good to blog again.To continue this exercise of chronicling every little bit of life I see.Make no mistake,I live all the while.Just as much.

I jump in.I pull out.

I am.And you are.

I have poetry to share.In the next post.

Impromptu plans are the schizz.Picture 11 girls getting bored and deciding to ditch all the last day drama in school only to land up in the most notorious watering hole in the city with their school batch T-shirts on.Rad much?

Oh.And also.Being shit scared.Of suspension.Because you now have a permanent tattoo staring out your wrist.In school.And have the co-ordinator walk upto you and appreciate your ink for real.Without the slightest hint of sarcasm. :]

Yes,Karma.I love you all the more now.

AND I lost my cellphone AGAIN.But lets not go into that. -_- I have SO much happening.Its a happy blur pretty much again.

Tomorrow.Gn.

Its Always Winter In My Mind.

[Song Playing - I Fucking Hate You by Godsmack.]
I shiver.
I need a fire.
And warmth.
Arms around me.Lips to kiss.
I am cold.
I need rum to burn my throat.
And dull my senses.
I am too aware.
I am too concerned.
But instead.I hurt.
And the pain is beautiful.
Ethereal.
All consuming.
Magnanimous.
You are my snow.
You are my fever.
I look at your eyes shine.
And the needle pierces my skin.
This one is forever. =]

Got it.Finally.The second bit of ink.Pictures to be put up soon.
I feel hardcore with Lilith staring down my wrist all the time.Her eyes are blue. <3

Once broken, twice fixed.

>Now Playing - Bob Dylan Blues by Syd Barrett<

The broken clock

that sat so long

undisturbed,in a forlorn

corner of my room

in quiet slumber

as time passed

through its hands and away

has found a reason to breathe again

it lives again now,unperturbed

by the eternity of sleep

by that measured forever of rest it partook

unhassled by my questions and my puzzled face

its hands aren't chained to invisible shackles anymore

they move in rhythm with my breath and my soul

my spirit follows its movement,it knows

it smiles,it cries sometimes,wakes me up

but most of all,it keeps me informed

that the world we know is ticking by

so very fast into bottomless oblivion

disappearing into heavy nothingness

it envelops me in a warm embrace,like a cocoon

hiding me as I lay thinking

of everything it has to say

as the sounds it make

fills up my silence.

Unbridled laughter.

Francois.

I'm listening to random Depeche Mode songs right now.I haven't blogged for SO long.Actually,it hasn't even been that long.But everyday in between has been spent like a dream.There is so much to tell you,blog.Meanwhile,I shall live some more.Before really attempting to chronicle it as always.
For starters,I am an adult now.I do,however,somehow look like 5/6 years have been knocked off my age.I'm not complaining yet,but I look 12.I do,really. :D
Oh,and my darling little cousin turned 12. -_- It still kinda feels like he's not growing fast enough.I can't wait for him to mature up a little more so we can go hang and stuff.But he's still thrilled about Beyblade Super Storm Pegasus or whateverthehell. *Sigh* So very cute.
The school excursion was EPIC.I can't begin to even describe it.That is how completely amazing it was.I'll remember it for a long long time.More on everything,later.
With everything going on.. the fest and the pranks and everything there's barely two weeks of classes left for me.I don't feel anything.Except,everyday has its own story to tell.That is how motivated we are to have a ball.The prankathon has started.
One of life's greatest joy has to be to find the company of likeminded people.There is such acceptance and comfort.Such effortless ease.
In all the excitement,I found the jigsaw piece I'd learnt to live without.Happy as I am,I've forgotten what it was used for.The picture had started to appear complete,unfinished.
I missed the KFF again.But everything is cool.I feel lulled..
And I am writing poetry again!Yay.Pictures and that later. :)

I love you,woman.

Marry Me.
This is a proposal.

Christina Perri - A Thousand Years

Powered by mp3skull.com
The best feeling in this world for me is when I put a snug pair of headphones on,close my eyes and listen to a well-written song whose every word I can eerily relate to.
Went spook-hunting again.Trespassed/broke in illegally.Fuck.That place gave me the chills.I do not want to be there after daylight.I'd piss my pants.
Awkward chance encounter.
Boatride!
Thank you,ambiguous invisible entity.For the best vacation ever.
Now,I shall eat and drink some more & watch that underground indie movie I'd been searching for an entity which a friend very helpfully sent me the d/l link to.No theatre release,then.Bweh.But what the hell.

That feeling when a picture conveys just what you want it to. :)

I cannot grow old in Salem's Lot.

Happy B'day Eminem.
I remember being in middle school and having angry days when I'd lock myself in my room,put on an Eminem cassette and crank the stereo volume loud enough for people two houses next to mine to be able to hear the expletives scandalise their middle class respectability.
I couldn't give two hoots back then,the hormones overruled everything else.It made sense.
I'd come across this really old D12 song on MTV2 once.They only aired MTV2 for a very short while in India.That was the first time I saw or heard him.
Anyway.Eminem song-marathon over.I'm back to replaying Vampire Weekend. <3
Just not angry/depressed enough.
The last few days have been amazing.
Imagine having a camera in your bag and going to these infinitely beautiful locations in the city and not wanting to click one picture.Because you have a feeling that some pictures are to be clicked only with your heart. =)
Imagine..
Cappuccino with cream & chocolate sauce & chocolate chips.
Sunset at the riverside.
Standing inches away from a speeding train passing you by.
Smiles.
Effortless conversations with jolly strangers.
Kentucky Fried Chicken.
All in one day.
All the beautiful photographs of these places and moments in the world couldn't make me regret living the moment and letting it go.


Until later,*seizing the day*.

Ambient?

Taken from my bedroom window,on one of those nights that I stay awake mulling over nothing till the sky breaks into dawn & its finally time for shuteye.This particular night it was raining. =]

You stand there

year gone after year

& watch the city change

the offices shift

the shops move

the houses rearrange

You stand there

unmoved,in quiet perseverance

how does it feel?

what might you have to say?

I wonder,

as time & its tragedies,come & pass you away

You stand there,

home to those lightly winged;

as entire roads & bridges disappear,

and clutch the ground from where you rise,

holding it together

a silhouette against the sky.

Playing Now -Head Over Heels by Digital Daggers.

Storyteller Woes

I haven't felt numb in so long that its almost wonderful.As in,literally,eliciting wonder.Is numb a happy feeling?I do not know.

I wish I had a photograph or a verse to express my otherwise inability to express what I want to.But disappointingly,this is all that will have to do.

Somebody accused me of being arrogant recently for being largely nonreactive to others' feelings.I shall like to point out that that my lack of an appropriate level of social skills is not a style statement to go with my derangement.Its a deficiency.

May you now rest in peace.

The Reconciliation

There is just something about exaggeration,full-blown and CAPS LOCK that makes me want to pull my covers up & hide.
Drama hunts me out anyway.
Its not like I dislike 'loud'.I'd rather if things were effortless.And people didn't force in that extra unrequired bit.That personally spoils it for me.


^ I'd be damned if that even made sense to me.Sometimes,I just like to ramble.As much in writing as in speech.More,in writing,I think.
I'd talk to the wall.But in my new room they're just too far apart for it to feel comfortable to have a conversation with them.So I refrain from attempting any such thing altogether.Yes I do.


And.. I could actually go on with this crap for a hundred or so words more.Then,it'd repulse me.Only then.And since I don't want that to happen.I shall stop starting now.

Okay.Ready.
I think if I ever was to open another blog,it'd be a music blog.And I'd consider wannabe-music-critic as a career choice too,if there was even the minutest scope of that in India.Goddamnit.Maybe I could try anyway,once I got a job that paid. o_O Eh?

Don't think I had anything specific to say.Except for this song-

So you could listen to it when you felt like your heart was breaking & know that the girl singing this probably had hers broken a million times as much.Just one of those songs that make you realise what the singer really meant to convey.What music can be when its not tailor-made for mass consumption.Don't get me wrong,heartbreak sells too.But she definitely didn't have the business agenda in mind when she wrote the song.
I could have cried the first time I heard this.Needless to say,her tattoos are it. =)
Enjoy.

PS.I gifted myself an Albert Camus as a pat-on-the-back for the second article being published.And then,found out he wrote absurdist. *peeep* :/ Totally getting screwed over again. *easily affected*

Mountain Dew + Polo

                                                              The lone wolf.

Isn't it so much more fun when something you expect to be a disaster actually turns out to be enjoyable?Yes yes.SO much more fun.

I love how I can headbang like a maniac to screamo.I like the whole motion of just letting the head go physically.Feels good.
Headbanging is cool.Its sad how you find so few females headbanging in a rock concert. -_________- Just kind of sad.I,for one,like it.Its appreciation for the musician.
So,I'm still pretty much listening to whatever screamo cover I can scour out from Youtube.I am getting back to life.Sad indie songs--->Fun screamo covers is a good transition to make.Yesh.

I met priyankaa.blogspot.com .Maybe if I'd known that before,there would have been a conversation to boast of.I didn't.I do now.Eh.Who are you fooling?Facebook has given birth to an entire generation of stalkers.Err.No,haven't stalked YOU yet.


Dark Chocolate is the shit.The good shit.Surely,I must have mentioned that before.No?Bow down.


Enheewayh.There-

there she was                        trapped in silk
her face                                  a plastered mask
there she was                        in a corner by herself
in a corner                              all by herself
she was,                                  and not
absent,yet                              there she was
and the laughter bounced off every wall
as the spirit,fluid did flow
she cocked her eyelids permitting a blink
and nursed her own with every sip,slow
and as insobriety loosened the glossal knots cemented to the roof of your gum
letting all you held within fall off revealing itself
she watched you with her patient eyes
waiting,askance
would you ever truly recognise yourself?
so there she was
by a corner
make no mistake she saw your soul
in a corner
all by yourself
as you wished you were.
she was.


And Goodnight! There's another party tomorrow.Yay.Holidays <3

Macabre Sells.

Guess which motherfucker is back on print again? =D
Si,me.
I celebrate below.


Same camera.Non-flash.The only edit tool used is 'insert text' and 'grayscale'-Photoscape respectively.Pinky swear.

                                                         Nostalgia

So,I might seem like I've taken to crude language like an inebriated wretch to a moldy bottle of dirt cheap whiskey.But I expect it to pass soon.
Also I'm thinking with the progress I've made,I will be worthy of owning an SLR by the end of next year.Ya think?That is music to my ears.  =)
Hello Goodbye.

Now Playing- Random Screamo Covers of Lady Gaga tracks.

Recapitulating..

Oh.Yay.
So The Vampire Diaries has finally gotten some balls.
And pretty much all of it is thanks to this woman-

And I could never have seen myself feeling bad for Damon before.But here I am. :( 150 years of grieving for nothing has to immortally suck.Pun intended.

Also,I am going to admit this begrudgingly.I am terrified of falling in love now.Even though I'd like it to happen to me.I suppose I am a little bit of a control freak.How that happens with the-devil-may-care is a mystery to me.No wonder I'm not all sane.All my personality attributes clash! -_-
One more picture before I go.

                                                  We kill demons everyday.

Give Fergalicious a rest now

And listen to something more definitive.
Its a downright fuckin' shame how few people actually listen to Wolfmother.
Below is my all time favourite by them-

-Teenager who refuses to buy the recycled crap Miley Cyrus and posse feeds you.

Verandah Blues.

Pujo 2011,Hobby Photographer.
Picture taken from an Olympus digital camera.Bought at a discount.



=))

Watch.

And understand?Maybe?
Our sole purpose in life is not to make you feel guilty over & over again.
And yet,you continue to inspire,with your actions.
Couldn't help ^ that.
Belated Happy Birthday Ma'am.
Its like the Charlestown Tragedy.Am I recalling it right?
Yes,I think you taught me well.
Insanity thrives in groups.
=) Enjoy the halo as long as you have it.
One day the light will dim away.





[Linkin Park brings back memories of when I was 13 :]

Live

The tragedy with great people is that they seldom achieve 'greatness' in their lives.




There are very few people who have truly managed to inspire me.And educate me.
Really educate me.


Sir.Parnab Mukherjee has.
By not drafting speeches from local dailies and no-good 'news' channels to share with hordes of reality-starved youth.
By having an uncensored,original opinion on things.And having the courage to express it with his characteristic disregard towards social conventions.

"Nobody is illiterate.Some are skill-literate & some are text-literate.Illiteracy is just another word coined by the educated middle class in their leisure,which they have abundant of." -Parnab Mukherjee,28/9/2011.

Thank You.

My Dear,Pizza.

So I took a trip to the bookstore & discovered that Paulo Coelho is out with his new book.

Somebody buy me that.


I was out before,the first hour since I'd woken up,had completed itself entirely.Thanks to the sister not having completed her shoppathon.How do people do that?I adore shopping.But I can never not like anything at all.Two trips around every mall & shopping centre through town should be enough to crack it?Right?Apparently not.

Tomorrow is a holiday thankfully.Because I barely just got back.And all I want to do is sink into my bed now,watch PLL and bite into that pizza.Happiness.

Inspite of all the hullaballoo,let me just say this.I am really proud of the fact that down here the film industry & the people have progressed enough to make a homosexual love-story a commercial success and nudity now too is just another aspect of a film in its entirety.Not a publicity stunt to raise eye-brows.Just life.
You have people who think movies inspire life,which is correct if you don't start to think of movies as utopic.Because really,where do you think moviemakers get their inspirations from?

PLL Time.Night.

Saccharine?No please.

Dear Future Me,

I am here to remind you that your life was never not ironic.I woke up this morning with a sore head & scratches I don't remember having before.And inadequate bits of memory  like puzzle pieces of how I got to my bed.When I finally woke up in the wee hours of the morning,I snuck around like a thief in my own house trying not to wake anyone up who'd then ruin my morning peace & calm.I was trying to make myself my hangover cure.So there I was,groggy and the works.Ears plugged in,cure ready,newspaper in hand.And guess what the newspaper says?The frontpage.The headline.Screams out to me in bold large letters that time travel might now be possible.Enabling us to travel back into the past and change it.

So.there.you.are.

Don't feel bad.You've made progress if you've moved an inch.

Awkward Confused Teenager.

You know.Its very disturbing how every profound person I've ever met either stones or has stoned at some point.

I also don't remember the last time I used that word to actually describe a stone.Or hearing someone else use the word in that context of usage.Hot damn.That's not nice.Brick is a nicer word though.Not the same as stone. z_Z

Enheewayh.I cancelled today.And am cancelling tomorrow.This always happens.But I'll put out of the I-don't-want-to-socialise soon.Go have fun.

Also,I'm going on a date next week.I just don't know who its with yet.

Oh yeah.Future Me,past you is a little bit on a roll. =D

Later.

Oh,do you believe that?

I don't know man.Everytime I think about schizophrenics I wonder if its not just another needless social construct.
There is so so much that needs to be suppressed and erased and obliterated in the name of protecting society.What society?Its just us.Don't you get it?So 1984.
Forgive my total I-don't-give-a-fuck babble.I have a hangover.
I managed to get home somehow yesterday,without losing any valuables at all.Yay!Atleast some things I am learning.Some things,I am definitely still behind at.
Drinking on an empty stomach is never a good idea,dumbasses.You lot,seriously.
There's an empty bottle of Old Monk stashed away in a hidden place.Shush.
I was supposed to bring one back sealed and full.But you're lucky I brought myself back home.
I don't even know what I am running from.Its a habit I can now break.There's nothing left to run from.
Which brings me to this.And I didn't even discover that.The sister did.WOW.
Oh.And my exams ended.And I'm supposed to go out again today.So by evening,I shall be alright.Please?Yes.
Enjoy.
Atleast when you're not a psychology student,you don't have to think of the shrink as a talking parrot. x_X

Well,I'll be History.

So end of one exam week.
One more to go.
Its got Pol Sc. and History and Bengali.
-_- I'm goingta watch a movie today anyway.Screw you.

And oh?PS.I know what you mean.

Did I ever mention how much I heart The Subways?Because I'll offer them the rot on a plate if they ever wanted it.In exchange for front-row concert tickets.

Well, everytime I feel you're coming round, 

you're going down
You hit the ground with every force, it makes no sense or sound
God bless your soul girl
Now you got the whole world
I'm on my way now
I'll get there somehow

Vellapanti.

I do not like Rajnikanth and I do not even use that word.But this song frikken rocks my chucks off me. ;D Because when it comes down to it,I'm all desi.

Also,if that doesn't make you want to dance you're kinda cyborg.

Unwelcome-

	The Pierces - Sticks and Stones .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Found new band to obsess over. ^ Funnily most of their songs are really violent.They sing about murder and betrayal in almost all their songs,in their chirpy saccharined voices.Talk about psychosis.Fun stuff.



The practicals got over today.They went o-kay.The exams officially start from Monday.With Soc for me.And I do not remember opening the book.Ever.
I'm nothing short of genius sometimes.Huh.


Also since the exams are here now.I seem to have found my creative writing abilities again.Thank thank you God.


Example-

trees grow

birds chirp

kids play

the news quotes

a mammoth figure dead

off a bad incident

the ice-cream man

with his magic truck

drowns out the sound

and eyes you with a grin

holding a lolly out

trees grow

birds chirp

humans decay

I will not lie to myself into believeing that that was about the Delhi blasts.It is getting increasingly disturbing now though.I was flipping through the channels on TV when I happened to come across this news channel among the dozens which were covering the story.So there was this guy representating the Indian Intelligentsia who kept on saying how they'd been tracking the suspects and the entire history of their whereabouts and how they were completely in the know.I wonder if he knows what failed him.What about the most base question?Why didn't they take any steps to avoid such a thing from happening?Are we supposed to praise you now seeing as how you are so informed?It sure seemed like he wouldn't mind any.He sounded like he was gloating.

On a brighter note,if you're not affected you're doing good.And I know this because I've finally started with Psychology.Cultivating blase is one of the most integral survival techniques ever and it is of utmost importance for the proper functioning of society.[Seriously,sometimes it feels like society is the foundation stone for every ill.] Its a defence mechanism for preserving your sanity.And if you haven't developed a well working blase,then you're a little bit of a psychological misfit.Because it should be present in necessary amounts in every normal individual.

Now go figure who is to blame.

-___- Also.Found Eat.Pray.Love overrated.
My Eat.Pray.Love would be better.And it wouldn't even be Eat.Pray.Love.
It'd be something like Travel.See.Learn. or Idk.Just better.I really hope the book is better because I know I am going to read it.The movie could only hold an appeal for extremely sedentary frustrated people who've lost all ambition or willpower.I know I haven't.It could have been made so much better!Ketut was adorable,though.And they managed to make Javier look old =(

New thing I'm a leetle bit hooked on even though they're practically a rip-off from Gossip Girls & I Know What You Did Last Summer.

Pretty Little Liars.

Great Weekend everybody.

PS.I have no clue why I'm feeling so optimistic.Except atleast you have something decided to do during the exams,eh?That's a thing worth looking forwards to.Later.

You do not mess with me

Because I am not going to take your crap jlt.Geesh. Its funny that everytime I get mad,the only lame metaphor that anyone can ever come up with is that its like I have a fire burning in my eye.Its creepy how people just say it.And say it.Year after year.Without knowing each other.Or knowing how creepy it is that that's the only thing I ever hear being said again and again.Messed up creepy.Fire is not even my element anymore.Its earth. -_- Anyway,here's to being misunderstood and pissed off.Fug off.

Flaw is the Only Real thing that is Perfect

Why do we always speak assurances of love to Death ? Why does Life always have to bear the brunt of anger and hatred,and betrayal and misery? And yet isn't life all-forgiving?
Human Nature is flawed.The idea of perfection is in itself a flaw of unacceptable proportions.


R.I.P TOMMY.

Those gloomy days.

Some people are just fine with getting by.

Sinister

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd. 

And I could have really used a cigarette right about then.

I thought it was better than Inception.



I would never give up my memories however hurtful.   Would you?

Monster in my throat.

Some more soup to flush it out?

Sore throat and sneezathons.Bweh. :/

Woke up this morning,to plenty of pitter patter and an evening sky at 5.30am.Just so I could complete watching- at leisure with my wake-up caffeine.

And then went to school.It didn't suck so much.

Eh.Yaaawn.

I've been shopping everyday.Its something you do when you're a Calcuttan and Durga Puja is just a few days away.Its actually almost 35 days or so away,but that before is another Bengali sentiment.

Sometimes I think we're a crazy city.Its like the entire population is comprised of a bunch of whimsical infants excited over a new toy they can chew on.And for all that show of being intellectual,we really don't have a hold over our emotions.They overrule us at every junction.The intellectual is a sham.We are dreamy lost idealists & it is all eat-pray-love for us.Another secret?You know how you have these people always complaining about how our city needs no concrete reason to officially shut down?How frequently holidays are declared in the state over minor socio-political issues?Yes well,for all the hue and cry.The general populace really does not mind.
The traffic is unbelievable.
My feet have given up on me so I'm gladly skipping school tomorrow.Yes,again.But my eyes are still functioning somewhat,so I shall watch a movie now.
Feminist literature screws with your head.Don't ever read that-Ramadan was on,this long.. tell me you know what this is- if you don't,you're missing out.

Go ahead & sue me.

I'm a little low right now
Because I realised school coming to an end means saying goodbye to a lot more than just the school.

This too shall pass-

Also.Finalised the tattoo idea.It'll be an owl in b/w mostly,with headphones on and his feather fingers in a peace sign.And the claws on his feet shall be holding onto a sash with "memento mori" written on it.So whooyay.
Also batch trip plans are on full swing.
That's all.

You taste like whiskey.

When Lady Gaga makes complete sense,you know she really means it.
Now Playing - *You & I* on Loop. =)
Notice how I've just been growing happier everyday?
No.I do not care that I suck at relationships.Or that my exams are here or anything of that sort.Or that that wretched lady changed my state's name. o_O You just fuelled communal hatred,you ignorant thing.You gave them a valid reason too.
None of that is even remotely beginning to bother me.School is finally coming to an end.And I couldn't be more enthusiastic.Or happy about that.
I had actually talked myself into missing it,which I will still ..I suppose.But yay!!
This was just long overdue.I can't wait to rid myself of that uniform and that orthodoxy,the stupid stupid rules and I could carry on..
Two more months.
Also.I just feel festive.The October rituals are around the corner.
You know you have friends when a bunch of people just randomly show up outside your class,when you're having a class,to call you to tell you that they've made plans and you're in everyone of them.And there's no way you're getting out of them without harm done.
My people. ^




Um.Also.Just been wondering.It must feel really kinky to do a teacher,nah?I mean from the teacher's man/woman's perspective.Lol.Crazy thought,I know.

=P g'bye.

Skeletons are beautiful.

Every word in every language of every culture ever invented is relative to individual perception.
Right now.And I mean that as a time-span of say 2-3 years the word I'm struggling with is a - friend.
Consider this hypothetical situation- When you were 6,you became friends.You had only just learnt how wonderful lively conversation was.You wanted to get lost in it.You didn't understand what 'implication' meant.You had no idea.There was a worldful of things to talk about.And always time enough.
When you were 12,you were still friends.And you still wanted to be.New friends came in,but,old friends stayed.As a rule.You'd had fights,you were 'growing up' friendship wasn't as easily acquired as sharing a seat with somebody in class or saving a place at the see-saw in the playground.Popularity was a status symbol.There was a class hierarchy.You were doing pretty good except for you,friendship wasn't a monopoly.For some of those friends along the way,it was.
Now,you near 18.And popularity only attracts kids who've grown up with a vengeance to be liked.Everybody else is content with less.Nobody really likes superficiality.For what little is permitted must have been mastered to perfection over time.As a habit.Exhaustion weighs every desire down.Time isn't as much of a luxury as it used to be.Conversation was the bridge that tied you to your friendly bunch.And shared ideals,shared desires,shared dreams and likes and dislikes.Compatibility kicked in stronger than ever.You were discovering slowly who you wanted to be more or less for the rest of your life.Your friends defined the person you were.

You do not ask an old friend to leave.Even if the old friend opposes the person you are.And does not relate to your perception at all.If your likes and dislikes are drastically contrary to each other.If the friend passionately refutes the ideals you stand by at every opportunity.Even if the old friend grows up to be the anti-you.You cannot ask an old friend to leave.Because you wonder how many people in the world still really understand what a relationship is.For,it is surely not what you're forcefed to believe by the state.


Future friend application-
:No bigotry,please.
:Also,even though the adjective 'human' fails to justify its existence time and time again.There is a reason why some fellow thought of it.
Respect his wish.Even if it is on the account of impressing your superiority over other life forms.The world cannot be your friend.But not being a friend and being an enemy are two majorly distinctive things.Differentiate.
Enemy is such a funny term.Just saying.I don't see how an individual can have an enemy in another individual with all the implications that are attached to that term.That would be so trivial.And kind of hilarious in its triviality.


And okay maybe that wasn't hypothetical at all,but its not like I ever had you fooled. x)

August Sunshine.

.. is getting drunk with her sister on a rainy August night.I've school tomorrow.And this is one of those rare good days one has. =) May you forever be.

Also.Dead Man's Bones IS AWESOME.I think I'm gonna lose my soul tonight.
Perfect rain song.

I get up
every morning
and put my dreams away
I get up
I get up
I get up

Thank You,Sadhana. :) And what has been up?

My toddler cousin snapped the world jigsaw

..and I'm babysitting her.That is how it feels currently.
You know..when all your dreams start coming true one after the other..?Like Christmas just gatecrashed.Its got you all mixed up.Because the dreams are not normal when they're my dreams.And I am referring to daydreams here.And when they start coming true.. you know the world is starting to become this really topsy turvy place.And you're just too confused to react to the developments.
OMG. -_- Its really all happening.
Your sense of humour has definitely developed,DearGod.Albeit negatively.

Penny Lane.

I've been listening to The Who since I woke up.
Its been raining since I woke up.
The world is a sad place.But sad is better than pretend-happy.Sad is countless times better.

I am having a monologue here.Feel free to leave if this irritates you.


What's the point of anymore networking sites?They should just stop already.Google Plus?Yes right.

I'm on the brink of a new relationship.I think.I don't think I would mind.

I wish I am less screwed up in college.And that its fun.I have a feeling it will be.
I also wish I was either young or old enough.

Simon and Garfunkel IS poetry.
I'll leave now.I wrote a poem too.After ages.Today should be fun.

Reducto.

Yes I am keeping Harry Potter alive!Forever and ever and ever.Harry Potter has been my Heidi or Noddy or whatever fantasy fiction you read back then.Yes,Big Ears was cute.But only that.And Heidi was just plain bo-ring.I never got the whole point. -_-- Deal.


I missed the season finale of HIMYM.Can you believe that?Pathetic.And it doesn't look like 90210 is making a return to the box anymore.Plus,I don't get HBO anymore.Yes,I still live in cable TV era.And it just plain sucks because everything I ever watched in TV is gone now.No Vh1.No World Movies.No HBO=No True Blood.Huh.
Zee Cafe's all I got.That new show above is hi-la-ri-ous!Its actually funny.Without trying too hard.

Breaking my back just to know your name
Seventeen tracks and I've had it with this game
I'm breaking my back just to know your name
But heaven ain't close in a place like this
Anything goes but don't blink you might miss
Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this
I said heaven ain't close in a place like this
Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight
Never thought I'd let a rumor ruin my moonlight


Yes.Yes.We all love ourselves some Killers.I was rewatching my *The OC* Dvd's.. and everytime.. its just nostalgic.Middle School was prolly one of the best times of my life yet.It was just rash and carefree and breaking out.Without having to think about the future.Or consequences.Or any of that.Feel like vandalising?Vandalise.Feel like screaming randomly?Scream.Those days.. ahh.
But seriously,why did Marissa Cooper have to die???The first season is love.The first episode is lust.Ryan Atwood. *siggggghhh*
Anyway.The pictures will have to wait.I forgot about the whole my-computer--got-screwed part.
I've been thinking about the next tattoo.The barcode is still in consideration.'Carpe Diem' would be too cliched.An owl in colour on my arm to maybe cover up my scars feels like a good idea.So does this-
Something more feminine would be nice.But I just can't have a butterfly or an angel stamped on me for life just for the sake of that.
And now,I'm just going to rewatch-

Almost Famous

and Shutter Island and other random stuff
until I can watch that v

PS.Grandaddy is great. :-)
Peace and Love.

Hello,hurricane!

^Did that sound chirpy?Because it was supposed to.And hurricane,btw,is the blog.
How long has it been?Because it felt like ages.And damn,I've missed you.
I don't know.I haven't had time.And there's so much that's been happening.And I'm really starting to change again.Into this different person.That always happens.In pre-school I was this.Then I morphed.In middle school,I morphed again.Idk.Its not as simple as growing up.And no,I do not mean to say growing up is easy at all.But its like ..well.. for lack of a better object.. a wand... where I am the wand.. and as the years go by,the wand's core changes.The make and everything else remains untouched.But the core changes.That's kind of how I am.
I'll add pictures,of course.Soon.My exams are in something around two weeks.I don't know shit.I wasn't supposed to be this worse off.Except I am and well.. *There's no solution-Sum 41* .. is a kickass song...and not for nothing.
Its been raining here in Kolkata a lot.Like a LOT.Yes,a whole lot.
The rain ALWAYS makes me blue.Without fail.There's just something about the rain that makes you want to retreat from the crowd and just well.. sulk.The upside is.. I have too much on my hands now to even find time to do that.The downside is.. the sulking works wonders to my literary skills.And let's just say.. that I think I've lost the whole poetic temperament.For quite some time now.I just cannot write. :/
Also.The whole renegade lecturer idea I'd conjured in my mind to entertain myself was an epic fail.Messed up adults are bad news.As per rule.
Read The Sea of Poppies,The Female Eunuch.I am reading 1984 now.I have the Second Sex by Beauvoir lined up.And Atlas Shrugged. -_- I can't not read all that until my exams are done,which just translates to - I am dumb and hence doomed.Oh God.Divine Intervention?Please.Please.
And I want to watch Blank City really bad!Add the frikken links already.
So..well.. What's been up?Movies.Lots and lots of.Meeting new people.Feedback on the story.Scavenger Hunt.New laptop.Err.I'm convinced I am forgetting the important stuff.But ah well.As I remember..
Lay-ter.I'm going to go listen to Grandaddy now.That's a band. =P Just incase.
Oh yes.The debate.I'll post my take on that later.But the more I attend these civil society do's.. the more the contradictions seem to stick out infront of my eyes like rainbow popsicles amidst a river of cola lollies.[can't believe I just wrote that].. But yes.I'd rather write fiction and be escapist,anyday.I just do not understand the world.And why people are so hellbent on making it well.. hell. :/
Really done this time.Night.

Le Regard

Shux!I knew I should have been born French. -_- So,what now?

*More Than This - Division Joy*

I have my last proper school exam ever in a month.
And I only came to know that because some friend had already started hyperventilating... 40 chapters in 45 days she calculated,in my copy.
40 chapters?I stared blankly at her.Adding "how?" because I realised just the former hadn't been adequately enough.While my mind started filling up with question marks about the latter part of that sentence her unassuming mind had constructed to garner my opinion.On events I hadn't been aware of.
So I am going to employ my last minute desperate attempts for disaster management and put myself on house-arrest come August.Except for.. well.. the exceptions.
Bad things have been happening.Like always.So have the good.I've had enough of being stuck in a rut so I am deliberately making an attempt to bring about some conscious changes here and there.And if I may.. enjoying myself in the process.Nobody needs that extra bit of baggage.
And well.I've had my say.Its time to expunge. =)
Carpe Diem.Life's too fucking short.

Let the new era begin.

Yeaaaaaaaaa.Weird things have been happening like they always do.Geesh.
So,I almost lost my camera and the keys to my room.With everything else that went down.Blog,you deserve to be explained to & I'll do the needful later.
Just know that I am content because I got the closure I required.It didn't end happy.But things have a way of falling together just like they fall apart.
Lesson I need to learn- Let go.
I can never do that ^
I still haven't learnt how to.Every bit of negativity remains even if the people and the things go.
But the rainbows lie hidden everywhere.Behind the swarm of angry clouds.
So much crazy has been happening.Crazy is good.
Hated Delhi Belly.Will do a post on Shaitan.Anurag Kashyap is God.Giddens was a genius.
Oh.And guess what is even better than a Summer fling.. its a Monsoon fling. ;) So here's distracting myself from the buttercups to look onto the rain-drenched monsoon flowers.Life's been kind.
Picture time-

Erase last post.
And the sentiments attached to them.
Wow.You really suck.
What an immense waste,that was.
And now its all undone.
I hate it when this happens. =[

I wish I wasn't this unstable sometimes.
I got back home reeking of scotch and cigarettes yesterday.
However,it was nowhere near as depressing as it sounds.
I've lost my anchor to sobriety again.I just want school to end.
Lets get everything over with.'
For all I care,I can live with a happy blur.I like pointless things anyway.
I shall concentrate all my aimless energy on gulping down the written word now.
-_-
Goodbye,for a while.

Abra Cadabra

*Poof*
The people around me are all acting queer.
0_0 Please get back to your normal selves.Nobody died.

Communication is Key.

Or not?


Maybe not always.
Maybe not just when you need it to be.


Mood - Currently despairing and resigned.
How ironic.I feel resigned.Of all things.
Well I do.
And angry.And jealous.And hurt.And betrayed.And foolish.And desperate.And dejected.
I feel a funny mix of emotions.They compund into everything.And I feel nothing.I feel painfully blank.
I cannot feel.

I feel very "Ayo Technology'ish" .. only I am not listening to weird 50 Cent hip-hop now.
I'm listening to
v

Music - *Pulp*.They are a Brit alt punk rock band.
The frontie featured on the local tabloid.His hair-do looked attractive.

Well whatever.
So,a little explanation is required here I think.Moumita Gupta resigned.
And Sociology classes died a sudden death.And its all her fault that we're going to hate whoever comes in to replace her by default.
Yes,we are all being unreasonable and troublesome.But we are entitled that as teenagers.
Everything went down really filmy.There was a conspiracy call.There was a race to the airport.An announcement over the speakers.And more lies than you could count.
I think a little bit of the image has chipped away.And fallen off.To somewhere I will not be able to find it from just yet.
Inspite.
That was the best thing about school.
And I won't be attending as often anymore.I won't have any more tales to recount,to my future college friends about THE person that only ever inspired me.I will have to hang on preciously to the few that is there hoping..just hoping that time wouldn't snatch them away too.
Ah.Well.I am definitely getting the barcode inked now.In commemoration of something more than just what it stands for.

I am such a needle junkie. Nothing drug-related implied.
I am not going to dedicate any overtly-sentimental ode.Because,seriously,what's the point?
Because whatever it is is evading me now.

Mg,
Thank You.For being the one teacher worthy of being called a teacher in its most earnest and primal sense.And for being that one person I will always proudly remember.
=) Here's wishing you a happy and fulfilling life.

Dead =(

^Thank You.That is how I feel.




I feel suicidal

Scream into my pillow.

And barf my mind out.
So,school re-opened.And I haven't felt this antagonistic in a while.
Because what I feel is clearly repulsed.And it really is all my doing.
I'm on my worst obstinate-kid-ever moodswings.And I am depressed.I am.
Think rebel kid.In a highly institutionalised school setting.And an unchallenging curriculum to boot.What do you get?Passive Aggression.Lots and lots and lots of it.
And then walks in THE person.And THE person turns to be THE exception.The radical.The non-conformist.
Somebody who is well read and well spoken.Voila!So there comes-inspiration.And renewed vigour.
Laugh all you want.But you didn't have it.
I'd always heard stories from friends of that ONE great professor/teacher that completely transformed their lives.And I didn't have it.All I had was a faint memory of a kind elderly lady who had to retire mid-session because her term was up.They didn't even let her complete. -_- I get told over and over again,that is life.I refuse to contribute to that excuse.
But anyway.So what happens then,is that angry rebel kid recovering from an existential crisis realises how little time she has left with that ONE teacher,for her.And starts behaving like a stubborn non-understanding brat.Because that ONE inspiration possesses superhero powers in her mind now.
And obviously,superheros are only myth.THE person is a real person with a real life and real problems and real concerns other than living upto glorified images conjured by neurotic adolescent eccentrics.
Damn.
I'll turn 18 in what.. four months from now?And everytime I've convinced myself that I'm really starting to make mental progress.I get reminded of what a pathetic kid I am.Time and again.
Also,somebody needs to slap me and drag me out of this moodspace.Its not healthy.I am going to turn psychologically mute or something.
There's so little of school left.. I don't want to spend it all being angry because I overthought again.
Oh yeah.Updates later.58 is a good start.Yay.Indiblogger.

So laugh.

ROMANCE
[x] You've had the same boyfriend all through high school till now
[ ] You've fallen in love with your best friend (and him/her has fallen as well)
[ ] Danielle Steel novels are your favourite
[ ] You've had a secret admirer before
[ ] Your favorite kiss is the jumping on someone and kissing them deeply
[ ] You love flowers
[ ] You like pop and country
[ ] You dream about the perfect wedding
[ ] Red or pink are one of your favorite colours (the colour of the heart)
[ ] You've had a guy friend/boyfriend paint your toenails before for you
[ ] You base who you'll date on how they compare to romance movies/novels
[x] Someone you never thought would fall for you has fallen for you before.
Total: 2

COMEDY
[ ] You're well known as being a ditz
[ ] You are or were the class clown
[x] You don't go a day without laughing
[x] You've embarassed yourself in front of a large group of people
[x] You're not a very serious person
[ ] You crack jokes all the time
[ ] People say you're really hyper.
[ ] Dane Cook is a silly bitch!
[x] You like to pull pranks on people
[x] You always find the funny part of things
[x] Your life isn't perfectly planned out
[x] Your the "spur" of the moment type person
Total: 7

DRAMA
[ ] You've spread a rumor about a friend/someone else
[x] Someone has spread a rumour about you
[ ] You're very emotional
[x] Theres lots of twists in your life
[ ] You're pessimistic
[ ] You LOVE to get revenge
[ ] You always need to get to the bottom of things
[x] If someone said something about you, you'd confront them about it
[x] You like to/or have friends in big groups
[ ] You can't keep secrets
[ ] People tell you not to be too serious all the time
[x] You've cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend before
Total: 5

TRAGEDY
[x] You have some form of disorder/illness
[x] You've lost more than 4 people in your family/friends to death
[x] You've been suicidal before
[ ] You cry a lot
[x] You're always listening to sad music
[ ] You feel like everyone is always against you
[ ] The unexpected makes you nervous
[ ] You like to bully/pick on other people
[ ] Someone getting hurt amuses you
[x] You screw up a lot, or at least feel like you do.
[ ] People always seem to let you down.
Total: 5

HORROR
[ ] You have very vivid/scary dreams.
[x] Scaring people is fun
[x] You've witnessed a murder/someone dying.
[ ] You always feel like someone is watching you
[ ] You LOVE being scared.
[x] Horror movies are your favourite.
[x] You'd like to be a ghost watcher/finder.
[x] Vampires are so cool!
[x] Loud screaming music is your thing.
[ ] You're a very timid person (get scared easily)
[ ] When the phone rings, you always expect the worst.
Total: 6

CLASSIC
[ ] You have good morals
[x] You're still a virgin
[ ] You believe in marriage before sex
[x] You like black and white better than color
[ ] You like dressing up really fancy
[x] You think guys should still hold doors open for you
[x] Men should approach women.
[x] Marriage is something that should be taken very seriously, and for the long haul, no matter what happens.
[x] You wear very little makeup
[ ] You're music taste is very 60's/70's and 80's.
Total: 6

ACTION
[x] You're always on the move
[ ] You always start fist fights
[x] You've wished to be some sort of super hero before.
[ ] You like watching/taping fights
[ ] Wrestling is one of your favorite things to watch
[ ] You've always got a comeback to something someone has said.
[x] You think you're tough
[x] The unexpected excites you.
[x] You're very daring
[x] You've been bungee jumping/or would go bungee jumping.
[x] You've survived something tragic.
Total: 6

PORN
[ ] You're always thinking about sex
[ ] You're very kinky
[ ] Sex is okay without loving someone
[ ] Sex is fun, anytime of the day.
[ ] You've done more than 5 sexual positions
[x] It's all about foreplay!
[ ] Screw kissing, let's just get to it!
[ ] You've been tied up
[ ] You've had more than one partner at the same time during intercourse.
[ ] You have songs that you put on to get "in the mood"
[x] You've had one of your biggest sexual fantasies fufilled
Total: 2

MUSICAL/THEATRICAL
[ ] You express yourself through some form of dancing
[x] You're always breaking out into song
[x] People can tell what mood you're in by the type of music you're listening to
[x] People tell you that you're pretty random most of the time
[x] You're always smiling
[ ] You're very dramatic
[ ] You like to dress up
[ ] You hope to become an actor/actress
[ ] You love to dance!
[x] You're good at doing impersonations.
[ ] You over exaggerate a lot.
Total: 5