Scream into my pillow.

And barf my mind out.
So,school re-opened.And I haven't felt this antagonistic in a while.
Because what I feel is clearly repulsed.And it really is all my doing.
I'm on my worst obstinate-kid-ever moodswings.And I am depressed.I am.
Think rebel kid.In a highly institutionalised school setting.And an unchallenging curriculum to boot.What do you get?Passive Aggression.Lots and lots and lots of it.
And then walks in THE person.And THE person turns to be THE exception.The radical.The non-conformist.
Somebody who is well read and well spoken.Voila!So there comes-inspiration.And renewed vigour.
Laugh all you want.But you didn't have it.
I'd always heard stories from friends of that ONE great professor/teacher that completely transformed their lives.And I didn't have it.All I had was a faint memory of a kind elderly lady who had to retire mid-session because her term was up.They didn't even let her complete. -_- I get told over and over again,that is life.I refuse to contribute to that excuse.
But anyway.So what happens then,is that angry rebel kid recovering from an existential crisis realises how little time she has left with that ONE teacher,for her.And starts behaving like a stubborn non-understanding brat.Because that ONE inspiration possesses superhero powers in her mind now.
And obviously,superheros are only myth.THE person is a real person with a real life and real problems and real concerns other than living upto glorified images conjured by neurotic adolescent eccentrics.
Damn.
I'll turn 18 in what.. four months from now?And everytime I've convinced myself that I'm really starting to make mental progress.I get reminded of what a pathetic kid I am.Time and again.
Also,somebody needs to slap me and drag me out of this moodspace.Its not healthy.I am going to turn psychologically mute or something.
There's so little of school left.. I don't want to spend it all being angry because I overthought again.
Oh yeah.Updates later.58 is a good start.Yay.Indiblogger.