Finally

Three things happened.
To make me very happy.




- SWK. Slutwalk Kolkata.
Screamed ourselves hoarse. Made new friends. And felt like a family.
I'd keep reading about this feeling of emancipation and exhilaration an activist experiences.
Believe me, you, reading is all good and everything. But some things cannot be duplicated.



- KKR won.
Its not so much a big deal to me that I support the CM's move to spend oh-so-much more on an IPL Tournament win celebration. But its big deal enough that I spent all evening before aforesaid disastrous Boards Pol. Sc exam watching them lose. Cried myself hoarse again. Loyalty is a touchy issue with me. Grudges. Vengeance. All of that.



- 90.75%
I still am shellshocked. Everytime anybody discusses my score or even if its my own fingers doing the typing into college application forms I feel very much like the individual in Camus's "The Outsider". All morning I'd been praying for it to be anything but in the 70s. Even 85 seemed distant after I was done with the rigmarole. I went to the theatres to watch multiple movies whilst they were on!
Pol Sc. did me in, obviously. If there's anything I know, I know my worth. 72 -_-




I am going to dream big now. My kind of big. And state that I'm hoping my next destination is JUDE.
But defeating 4000+ Booker Prize Nomination reading, Soderbergh watching students should not be taken lightly. At any cost. I tell myself. Or try to.
Think I might just have enough time to read up translations of Homer.


I'd like some luck.

=)

Please
dont'
fuck
me
up
tomorrow.
Oh.
And
KKR
won.
Godammit.
Fine-ally.
Also,
intending
to
make
my
lungs
suffer
tonight.
Its
just
for
a
little
while.
Hush.

Its not me. Its the Political Science paper.








*Lights flicker on*
Alien voice (presumably coming from outside my head) - Why are you talking to yourself?


-




Why am I talking to myself?




*O DEATH- Ben Titus*

Uh.

• Shit scared about college. When all the toppers in the class are worried.. you just know there's good reason for you to be too.
• WTF is wrong with you, CBSE? Just get them out already. I'd rather know than not know. Always. Not knowing kills me.
• I might be onto something grown-up except I don't really know how to be grown up. And its not like I can say that I'll learn over the end of this year. I know I will not.
• I need a lot of cash to snuff my materialistic dreams and make me feel alright.
• All that bullcrap non-smokers give to smokers.Let me get this clear.I hear a lot of excuses doing the rounds.There is no way anybody can get addicted to smoking dry  cigarettes.Nuh-uh.If you know somebody offering that as their 'why' they're either completely pathetic with their lack of self-esteem or have nil willpower. And that is that. There really is no two ways about that.                  -________-

Any Day Now

You can convince me. But I can't convince myself. I can't stay in one place for too long. See the same faces. Listen to the same sermons. I can't subject myself to a broken existence. I am young. Still very young. To suffer broken dreams. And bitter compromises.

A Lovenote to Marilyn Manson

I was 12. I heard "Mobscene".
I'd stood on my toes and hoisted myself up to reach the top shelf of that Planet M store.
It is no more.
I was disturbed to think I'd picked a reject copy of the cassette.
That'd happen sometimes.
But all the other songs played well.
I heard Oasis for the first time. Pity the first song wasn't Wonderwall.
**


I was 14.
Racing in my friend's car down the highway. On the passenger seat.
Left, behind.
The windows were rolled down.
Back then, I did not care how my hair looked. Any at all.
Now, I do, 40% of the time.
"Evidence"
A friend had put it on her playlist.
Later I'd come to befriend that friend.
But before that I'd come home to download it into my ears.
**


Sometime post 15. "If I Was Your Vampire".
Then the whole of "Eat Me Drink Me". Then Wiki him. What a sweet name
I already knew who Charles Manson was. Or Charles Sobhraj. Or Ted Bundy, for that matter.
Nat Geo Serial Killer Docu's were thrilling, and highly educative. Maybe the wrong sort.
Education, it was, nonetheless.
**


Now, I'd rather have history lessons by him. =]
His new album released on the first of this month. And everything has now been transferred to the phone and replayed more than 3 times. In that jungle of songs.


Enjoy -

Fecund

Sometimes I wake up with a word in my head that I have no recollection of. It doesn't go away, it keeps prodding me to make sense of it. And then I open the dictionary with its innumerable word-slaves. And surprise myself with its relevance to the context of my present. The human brain? Its funny.