^Thank You.That is how I feel.I feel suicidal
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Scream into my pillow.
And barf my mind out.
So,school re-opened.And I haven't felt this antagonistic in a while.
Because what I feel is clearly repulsed.And it really is all my doing.
I'm on my worst obstinate-kid-ever moodswings.And I am depressed.I am.
Think rebel kid.In a highly institutionalised school setting.And an unchallenging curriculum to boot.What do you get?Passive Aggression.Lots and lots and lots of it.
And then walks in THE person.And THE person turns to be THE exception.The radical.The non-conformist.
Somebody who is well read and well spoken.Voila!So there comes-inspiration.And renewed vigour.
Laugh all you want.But you didn't have it.
I'd always heard stories from friends of that ONE great professor/teacher that completely transformed their lives.And I didn't have it.All I had was a faint memory of a kind elderly lady who had to retire mid-session because her term was up.They didn't even let her complete. -_- I get told over and over again,that is life.I refuse to contribute to that excuse.
But anyway.So what happens then,is that angry rebel kid recovering from an existential crisis realises how little time she has left with that ONE teacher,for her.And starts behaving like a stubborn non-understanding brat.Because that ONE inspiration possesses superhero powers in her mind now.
And obviously,superheros are only myth.THE person is a real person with a real life and real problems and real concerns other than living upto glorified images conjured by neurotic adolescent eccentrics.
Damn.
I'll turn 18 in what.. four months from now?And everytime I've convinced myself that I'm really starting to make mental progress.I get reminded of what a pathetic kid I am.Time and again.
Also,somebody needs to slap me and drag me out of this moodspace.Its not healthy.I am going to turn psychologically mute or something.
There's so little of school left.. I don't want to spend it all being angry because I overthought again.
Oh yeah.Updates later.58 is a good start.Yay.Indiblogger.
So,school re-opened.And I haven't felt this antagonistic in a while.
Because what I feel is clearly repulsed.And it really is all my doing.
I'm on my worst obstinate-kid-ever moodswings.And I am depressed.I am.
Think rebel kid.In a highly institutionalised school setting.And an unchallenging curriculum to boot.What do you get?Passive Aggression.Lots and lots and lots of it.
And then walks in THE person.And THE person turns to be THE exception.The radical.The non-conformist.
Somebody who is well read and well spoken.Voila!So there comes-inspiration.And renewed vigour.
Laugh all you want.But you didn't have it.
I'd always heard stories from friends of that ONE great professor/teacher that completely transformed their lives.And I didn't have it.All I had was a faint memory of a kind elderly lady who had to retire mid-session because her term was up.They didn't even let her complete. -_- I get told over and over again,that is life.I refuse to contribute to that excuse.
But anyway.So what happens then,is that angry rebel kid recovering from an existential crisis realises how little time she has left with that ONE teacher,for her.And starts behaving like a stubborn non-understanding brat.Because that ONE inspiration possesses superhero powers in her mind now.
And obviously,superheros are only myth.THE person is a real person with a real life and real problems and real concerns other than living upto glorified images conjured by neurotic adolescent eccentrics.
Damn.
I'll turn 18 in what.. four months from now?And everytime I've convinced myself that I'm really starting to make mental progress.I get reminded of what a pathetic kid I am.Time and again.
Also,somebody needs to slap me and drag me out of this moodspace.Its not healthy.I am going to turn psychologically mute or something.
There's so little of school left.. I don't want to spend it all being angry because I overthought again.
Oh yeah.Updates later.58 is a good start.Yay.Indiblogger.
Friday, June 10, 2011
So laugh.
ROMANCE
[x] You've had the same boyfriend all through high school till now
[ ] You've fallen in love with your best friend (and him/her has fallen as well)
[ ] Danielle Steel novels are your favourite
[ ] You've had a secret admirer before
[ ] Your favorite kiss is the jumping on someone and kissing them deeply
[ ] You love flowers
[ ] You like pop and country
[ ] You dream about the perfect wedding
[ ] Red or pink are one of your favorite colours (the colour of the heart)
[ ] You've had a guy friend/boyfriend paint your toenails before for you
[ ] You base who you'll date on how they compare to romance movies/novels
[x] Someone you never thought would fall for you has fallen for you before.
Total: 2
COMEDY
[ ] You're well known as being a ditz
[ ] You are or were the class clown
[x] You don't go a day without laughing
[x] You've embarassed yourself in front of a large group of people
[x] You're not a very serious person
[ ] You crack jokes all the time
[ ] People say you're really hyper.
[ ] Dane Cook is a silly bitch!
[x] You like to pull pranks on people
[x] You always find the funny part of things
[x] Your life isn't perfectly planned out
[x] Your the "spur" of the moment type person
Total: 7
DRAMA
[ ] You've spread a rumor about a friend/someone else
[x] Someone has spread a rumour about you
[ ] You're very emotional
[x] Theres lots of twists in your life
[ ] You're pessimistic
[ ] You LOVE to get revenge
[ ] You always need to get to the bottom of things
[x] If someone said something about you, you'd confront them about it
[x] You like to/or have friends in big groups
[ ] You can't keep secrets
[ ] People tell you not to be too serious all the time
[x] You've cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend before
Total: 5
TRAGEDY
[x] You have some form of disorder/illness
[x] You've lost more than 4 people in your family/friends to death
[x] You've been suicidal before
[ ] You cry a lot
[x] You're always listening to sad music
[ ] You feel like everyone is always against you
[ ] The unexpected makes you nervous
[ ] You like to bully/pick on other people
[ ] Someone getting hurt amuses you
[x] You screw up a lot, or at least feel like you do.
[ ] People always seem to let you down.
Total: 5
HORROR
[ ] You have very vivid/scary dreams.
[x] Scaring people is fun
[x] You've witnessed a murder/someone dying.
[ ] You always feel like someone is watching you
[ ] You LOVE being scared.
[x] Horror movies are your favourite.
[x] You'd like to be a ghost watcher/finder.
[x] Vampires are so cool!
[x] Loud screaming music is your thing.
[ ] You're a very timid person (get scared easily)
[ ] When the phone rings, you always expect the worst.
Total: 6
CLASSIC
[ ] You have good morals
[x] You're still a virgin
[ ] You believe in marriage before sex
[x] You like black and white better than color
[ ] You like dressing up really fancy
[x] You think guys should still hold doors open for you
[x] Men should approach women.
[x] Marriage is something that should be taken very seriously, and for the long haul, no matter what happens.
[x] You wear very little makeup
[ ] You're music taste is very 60's/70's and 80's.
Total: 6
ACTION
[x] You're always on the move
[ ] You always start fist fights
[x] You've wished to be some sort of super hero before.
[ ] You like watching/taping fights
[ ] Wrestling is one of your favorite things to watch
[ ] You've always got a comeback to something someone has said.
[x] You think you're tough
[x] The unexpected excites you.
[x] You're very daring
[x] You've been bungee jumping/or would go bungee jumping.
[x] You've survived something tragic.
Total: 6
PORN
[ ] You're always thinking about sex
[ ] You're very kinky
[ ] Sex is okay without loving someone
[ ] Sex is fun, anytime of the day.
[ ] You've done more than 5 sexual positions
[x] It's all about foreplay!
[ ] Screw kissing, let's just get to it!
[ ] You've been tied up
[ ] You've had more than one partner at the same time during intercourse.
[ ] You have songs that you put on to get "in the mood"
[x] You've had one of your biggest sexual fantasies fufilled
Total: 2
MUSICAL/THEATRICAL
[ ] You express yourself through some form of dancing
[x] You're always breaking out into song
[x] People can tell what mood you're in by the type of music you're listening to
[x] People tell you that you're pretty random most of the time
[x] You're always smiling
[ ] You're very dramatic
[ ] You like to dress up
[ ] You hope to become an actor/actress
[ ] You love to dance!
[x] You're good at doing impersonations.
[ ] You over exaggerate a lot.
Total: 5
[x] You've had the same boyfriend all through high school till now
[ ] You've fallen in love with your best friend (and him/her has fallen as well)
[ ] Danielle Steel novels are your favourite
[ ] You've had a secret admirer before
[ ] Your favorite kiss is the jumping on someone and kissing them deeply
[ ] You love flowers
[ ] You like pop and country
[ ] You dream about the perfect wedding
[ ] Red or pink are one of your favorite colours (the colour of the heart)
[ ] You've had a guy friend/boyfriend paint your toenails before for you
[ ] You base who you'll date on how they compare to romance movies/novels
[x] Someone you never thought would fall for you has fallen for you before.
Total: 2
COMEDY
[ ] You're well known as being a ditz
[ ] You are or were the class clown
[x] You don't go a day without laughing
[x] You've embarassed yourself in front of a large group of people
[x] You're not a very serious person
[ ] You crack jokes all the time
[ ] People say you're really hyper.
[ ] Dane Cook is a silly bitch!
[x] You like to pull pranks on people
[x] You always find the funny part of things
[x] Your life isn't perfectly planned out
[x] Your the "spur" of the moment type person
Total: 7
DRAMA
[ ] You've spread a rumor about a friend/someone else
[x] Someone has spread a rumour about you
[ ] You're very emotional
[x] Theres lots of twists in your life
[ ] You're pessimistic
[ ] You LOVE to get revenge
[ ] You always need to get to the bottom of things
[x] If someone said something about you, you'd confront them about it
[x] You like to/or have friends in big groups
[ ] You can't keep secrets
[ ] People tell you not to be too serious all the time
[x] You've cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend before
Total: 5
TRAGEDY
[x] You have some form of disorder/illness
[x] You've lost more than 4 people in your family/friends to death
[x] You've been suicidal before
[ ] You cry a lot
[x] You're always listening to sad music
[ ] You feel like everyone is always against you
[ ] The unexpected makes you nervous
[ ] You like to bully/pick on other people
[ ] Someone getting hurt amuses you
[x] You screw up a lot, or at least feel like you do.
[ ] People always seem to let you down.
Total: 5
HORROR
[ ] You have very vivid/scary dreams.
[x] Scaring people is fun
[x] You've witnessed a murder/someone dying.
[ ] You always feel like someone is watching you
[ ] You LOVE being scared.
[x] Horror movies are your favourite.
[x] You'd like to be a ghost watcher/finder.
[x] Vampires are so cool!
[x] Loud screaming music is your thing.
[ ] You're a very timid person (get scared easily)
[ ] When the phone rings, you always expect the worst.
Total: 6
CLASSIC
[ ] You have good morals
[x] You're still a virgin
[ ] You believe in marriage before sex
[x] You like black and white better than color
[ ] You like dressing up really fancy
[x] You think guys should still hold doors open for you
[x] Men should approach women.
[x] Marriage is something that should be taken very seriously, and for the long haul, no matter what happens.
[x] You wear very little makeup
[ ] You're music taste is very 60's/70's and 80's.
Total: 6
ACTION
[x] You're always on the move
[ ] You always start fist fights
[x] You've wished to be some sort of super hero before.
[ ] You like watching/taping fights
[ ] Wrestling is one of your favorite things to watch
[ ] You've always got a comeback to something someone has said.
[x] You think you're tough
[x] The unexpected excites you.
[x] You're very daring
[x] You've been bungee jumping/or would go bungee jumping.
[x] You've survived something tragic.
Total: 6
PORN
[ ] You're always thinking about sex
[ ] You're very kinky
[ ] Sex is okay without loving someone
[ ] Sex is fun, anytime of the day.
[ ] You've done more than 5 sexual positions
[x] It's all about foreplay!
[ ] Screw kissing, let's just get to it!
[ ] You've been tied up
[ ] You've had more than one partner at the same time during intercourse.
[ ] You have songs that you put on to get "in the mood"
[x] You've had one of your biggest sexual fantasies fufilled
Total: 2
MUSICAL/THEATRICAL
[ ] You express yourself through some form of dancing
[x] You're always breaking out into song
[x] People can tell what mood you're in by the type of music you're listening to
[x] People tell you that you're pretty random most of the time
[x] You're always smiling
[ ] You're very dramatic
[ ] You like to dress up
[ ] You hope to become an actor/actress
[ ] You love to dance!
[x] You're good at doing impersonations.
[ ] You over exaggerate a lot.
Total: 5
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
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